Beautiful Cynicism III

“Water – ambiguous, amorphous. In so many creation stories, water symbolises a nothingness from which the gods bring forth the tangible. At once bright at pure, it is also a dark force, carving canyons, flooding plains, and swelling into shipwrecking waves. But whether positive or negative, water is the most basic element of life and therefore divine.” from The Art of the Bath, Slavin and Petzke.

I was born and raised on an island. Summer days were spent at the beach with friends, each of us daring the others to wade into the frigid, salty water. Sitting on the docks in the evening, when the sun dips below the horizon, lazily dangling feet into the cool lake. Watching fishing vessels unload their catch at the marina. Having your face sprayed with a fine mist as you speed along the open water in a motorboat. Walking outside in the middle of a downpour. I love water in all its forms.
I remember nearly drowning. It’s a feeling unlike any other. As a child I wasn’t a very strong swimmer. I loved being in the water, yet was terrified of it. I was walking along the edge of a pool, holding on to the wall with my hands. I dared to make my way to the deep end; I felt the ground move away from my feet. I held on to the wall tightly. There were many people about. Someone ran past me and brushed against my hands, still gripping the wall, but I slipped, and felt the wall falling away from my hands. I tried reaching out for it, but in my panic pushed myself even further from the wall. I had inhaled and swallowed large amounts of water. My chest and throat burned. I remember seeing the water level rise up over my eyes. I could feel myself sinking. I was still frantically reaching up, paddling furiously, but the harder I tried to surface, the faster I sank. I remember my feet hitting the bottom of the pool. I told myself not to attempt to breathe, knowing I was surrounded by water, but instinct is hard to shuffle aside. Besides, I was trying to call for help. I remember actually inhaling the water, in huge gulps. It felt as though I was taking in litres with each breath. I turned my head, and saw people at the far end of the pool. All I could see were their legs and hips, dangling, dancing while suspended in the nothingness. I realised nobody could see me, or hear me. I remember looking up towards the surface; it seemed so very far away. I tried walking along the bottom of the pool. I got closer to the dancing legs, but had to stop. I was too tired. Walking on the bottom of the pool felt like wading through molasses. I vaguely remember seeing the dancing legs getting closer, but recall nothing else until I was pool side. Violent coughing. Legs so weak they feel like chewed bubble gum, all flimsy and stringy. Burning eyes, throat, nose, chest. Water pouring out of every nook and cranny of my body. I felt as though I had been run over by a large truck. I do remember finally seeing the kindly face that belonged to the pair of dancing legs that saved my life.
Despite this, or perhaps because of this, I still adore the water. I admire its versatility, relish its freshness, stand in awe of its power.  It allows us to play with it, harness its energy, clean ourselves with it, and fuel our bodies with it. It is to be revered and respected.

Rainer Maria Rilke, Torso of Apollo