Beautiful Cynicism III

Here’s how a friend of mine once summed up the value of his humanities diploma: ‘I paid my way through university working as a waiter. After graduation, I was still a waiter – I just worked in better restaurants.’

This is the cross we BA holders bear. We have plenty of knowledge, but few marketable skills. I’m quick with a pop culture reference at cocktail parties, I can name most of Shakespeare’s plays and detail the role of the Chinese warlords in toppling the Qing dynasty. But I can’t fix my car or do my taxes without professional help. I can compare and contrast the socialist theories of Marx and Lenin, but I barely know how to use my cellphone, let alone explain the difference between Unix and Java.

For years I’ve waited in vain for a job posting that perfectly matches my skills. ‘Wanted: a well-read deep thinker with working knowledge of the Cultural Revolution and the Romantic poets. Must be able to identify themes, put literary works into historical context and deconstruct allegorical novels. Ability to formulate theories about past events that have little or no impact on modern life also an asset.’

In retrospect, I should have paid attention many years ago to the writing on the wall, or rather in a bathroom stall at the University of Regina student union building. It was an arrow pointing to the toilet paper roll beside the words, ‘Liberal arts diploma, tear along dotted line.’

It’s not quite that bad. But to be on the safe side, I think I’ll encourage my son to learn a trade.

Her mum was being driven along a country road on her way to an abattoir when she gave birth and the little Tamworth pig rolled out of the trailer and into the road.

She was just a few minutes old when she was spotted by motorist Anthony Davies as he was driving home with his family in Poolsbrook, Derbyshire. Animal lover Anthony took her to the RSPCA Animal Centre in Chesterfield where the little Tamworth piglet is now getting round the clock care. And already the shelter has been flooded with offers of a new home for Squeaky when she is old enough to be “adopted” in about seven weeks time.

Shelter manager Richard Woodwards said: “She is a lucky little pig and she is one of the most unusual arrivals we have had. She can’t have been more than half an hour old when she was brought in because her umbilical cord was attached and it was still wet. We believe someone had been transporting a pregnant sow which gave birth on the journey and the piglet has just rolled out through a gap in the trailer. She had grazes down her back as if she’s rolled down the road. Luckily for her Mr Davies was driving along the road and spotted her.”

He almost hit her but managed to swerve around and stop.

“He has no idea what the animal was until he walked back and realised he had found a piglet. He is an animal lover and he brought her straight to the shelter.”

Normally newly born animals, which need round the clock feeding, are taken home by staff but because of the restrictions on the movement follwing the outbreak of foot and mouth, Squeaky can not leave the shelter. Instead receptionist Jane Barden, who lives on site, volunteered to be Squeaky’s carer and she has been getting up twice during the night to make sure she gets the feeds she needs to grow healthy and strong.

Richard added: “She is thriving. When she was brought in she was about the size of a Yorkshire terrier and she is getting bigger every day. When she is around eight weeks old we will start the process of finding her a new home and we are confident there won’t be any problems. Since word got around the phone has never stopped ringing with offers. Pigs are not just farm animals, they make fantastic pets, they are as intelligent as dogs and can be house-trained. But she will probably go to an animal sanctuary or a farm.

“We will thoroughly vet anyone who wants her in the same way we would if we were looking for a home for a cat, a dog or any pet, and that includes home visits. We need to make sure that she will be given a home where she can spend the rest of her life.

“We don’t want someone taking her so they can fatten her up to go for slaughter. She has already had one narrow escape and she deserves a comfortable life.”